Post by Kiku on Mar 21, 2009 10:14:18 GMT -6
A twisted room, different from its usual out look. The sun has nearly set and I think I've lost it. I grow scared by the minute but if I leave I fear the worst will happen. I'll sink back into the background and no one will see the pain.
Shut up you baby, rings an oh so familiar voice.
I'm never really ever alone. My own thoughts have been invaded by a devil, it's like my own thought take a mind of their own and becoming evil on a whim.
Evil is right baby! says the voice again.
I roll my eyes, no matter how hard I try the voice never leaves me alone. Always there to mock my pain and make me do things I don't want to do. Mom always says things that hurt me on the inside whether she means to or not. My sister just makes it worse by trying to be a mother to me.
Haha your just a burden to everyone, the voice said with a snicker.
I put my hands over my ears even though I know it's not true. I maybe a burden but I'm not one all the time. I know how to take care of myself.
Bull no one even cares about you, says that stupid voice again.
Not true! People love me! They would miss me a whole lot!
A knock comes from the other side of the door, the rooms seems to fall still from the silence. Then I hear it, "let me in please." I crawl slowly to the door unsure whether or not I want to go down this road. Maybe I should hide out here until the sun goes down and then face what comes. But I know far to well that, that is a road I never wish to go down. Click, I've unlocked to door and she comes in. I can't recall what she says at this point, my thoughts have been invaded with that evil voice. Saying things I never want to hear ever again.
You don't know shit! it says to my sister.
Leave me the hell alone! it says making me feel bad for opening the door.
Ug! I hate you! if finally says to me.
I feel a sense of pride like I made an accomplishment. Too bad I can't enjoy it, too bad my thoughts turned evil. It continued to say things and I wanted to make it stop. The evil thoughts were too much. Tears flowed down my cheeks, my hands begin to shake and turn into fists. I try my hardest to reject to urge to do it. To make the voice to go away.
Do it! Make me go away! Hit your head on the wall! it tells me.
I refuse, and the tears continue to fall. My sister stops and asks me to stop crying. Tells me I shouldn't be that upset. My hands rise, I feel weak from restraining the urge. I begin to pound on my head quietly mumbling, "Get out!" My voice gets louder as my sister asks me what I'm saying. People come into the room now. I hear them talking but the words seem pointless to me at this point. My sister trys to stop my fists but they don't stop for longer than 5 seconds before they're at it again.
The room seems brighter now that I notice mom. She wets a wash cloth and puts it on my head forcing my hands to stop. She shushes me trying to calm me down. She says something to my sister but I can't understand everything seems like a blur. I'm given a pill and told to relax. Mom tells my sister and everyone else I was having a Anxiety attack and she began to blame herself. I was lead to her bedroom to lay down. I ended up sleeping 12 hours strait. I felt better but the voice still comes for a visit and it still drives me crazy. Thought it's not as bad as before. I fear the voice may come back again and maybe push me off the edge.
Shut up you baby, rings an oh so familiar voice.
I'm never really ever alone. My own thoughts have been invaded by a devil, it's like my own thought take a mind of their own and becoming evil on a whim.
Evil is right baby! says the voice again.
I roll my eyes, no matter how hard I try the voice never leaves me alone. Always there to mock my pain and make me do things I don't want to do. Mom always says things that hurt me on the inside whether she means to or not. My sister just makes it worse by trying to be a mother to me.
Haha your just a burden to everyone, the voice said with a snicker.
I put my hands over my ears even though I know it's not true. I maybe a burden but I'm not one all the time. I know how to take care of myself.
Bull no one even cares about you, says that stupid voice again.
Not true! People love me! They would miss me a whole lot!
A knock comes from the other side of the door, the rooms seems to fall still from the silence. Then I hear it, "let me in please." I crawl slowly to the door unsure whether or not I want to go down this road. Maybe I should hide out here until the sun goes down and then face what comes. But I know far to well that, that is a road I never wish to go down. Click, I've unlocked to door and she comes in. I can't recall what she says at this point, my thoughts have been invaded with that evil voice. Saying things I never want to hear ever again.
You don't know shit! it says to my sister.
Leave me the hell alone! it says making me feel bad for opening the door.
Ug! I hate you! if finally says to me.
I feel a sense of pride like I made an accomplishment. Too bad I can't enjoy it, too bad my thoughts turned evil. It continued to say things and I wanted to make it stop. The evil thoughts were too much. Tears flowed down my cheeks, my hands begin to shake and turn into fists. I try my hardest to reject to urge to do it. To make the voice to go away.
Do it! Make me go away! Hit your head on the wall! it tells me.
I refuse, and the tears continue to fall. My sister stops and asks me to stop crying. Tells me I shouldn't be that upset. My hands rise, I feel weak from restraining the urge. I begin to pound on my head quietly mumbling, "Get out!" My voice gets louder as my sister asks me what I'm saying. People come into the room now. I hear them talking but the words seem pointless to me at this point. My sister trys to stop my fists but they don't stop for longer than 5 seconds before they're at it again.
The room seems brighter now that I notice mom. She wets a wash cloth and puts it on my head forcing my hands to stop. She shushes me trying to calm me down. She says something to my sister but I can't understand everything seems like a blur. I'm given a pill and told to relax. Mom tells my sister and everyone else I was having a Anxiety attack and she began to blame herself. I was lead to her bedroom to lay down. I ended up sleeping 12 hours strait. I felt better but the voice still comes for a visit and it still drives me crazy. Thought it's not as bad as before. I fear the voice may come back again and maybe push me off the edge.
