Post by Titan on Nov 16, 2009 16:58:49 GMT -6
Had to write a story in English class on Friday starting with one of three sentences regarding a bearded woman, aliens getting sick from celery, and a dream vehicle being a shopping cart full of brown bags, here it is.
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Bertha, the bearded woman, had always lived next door. We were neighbors for a long time, and the beard never got shorter. In fact, the beard just got longer, greasier, and dirtier. She never washed the thing, even said the heavens presented it to her. Due to her weirdness, I locked myself in my house and cried like a little sissy girl for forty days and forty nights. Just the thought of it gets me going again. Then one day, I devided to shave the thing off and donate it to Ripley's Believe it or Not. That night, I loaded up with a razor launcher and a banana for good luck. I snuck into her house, and to my suprise, her hundreds of different pets had beards too. I shaved them all off. All was good with her pets, except for a cat tat I missed and shaved off the entirety of it's head. "Collateral damage," I said to myself. After searching, I came to Bertha's bedroom, where the beard had it's own bed right next to hers. I began to shave it, but then the beard began to scream and yell foul language at me. Turned out that Bertha was an alien, and the beard is her brain. It also appears that Bertha gotten sick from celery. Suddenly, the police appeared outside her house. I ran outside, and there was my dream vehicle. A clean silver shopping cart full of beautiful brown bags. I jumped in and began down a hill. The police followed me with no chance of letting up. Then I remembered the banana in my pocket. I was hungry and needed a snack. After eating the banana, I threw the peel on the ground, completely ignoring the law. The cop cars began slipping on the peel, making an explosion so spectacular that the nuclear bomb would be envious. Then I hit a curb and fell in a wood grinder.
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Bertha, the bearded woman, had always lived next door. We were neighbors for a long time, and the beard never got shorter. In fact, the beard just got longer, greasier, and dirtier. She never washed the thing, even said the heavens presented it to her. Due to her weirdness, I locked myself in my house and cried like a little sissy girl for forty days and forty nights. Just the thought of it gets me going again. Then one day, I devided to shave the thing off and donate it to Ripley's Believe it or Not. That night, I loaded up with a razor launcher and a banana for good luck. I snuck into her house, and to my suprise, her hundreds of different pets had beards too. I shaved them all off. All was good with her pets, except for a cat tat I missed and shaved off the entirety of it's head. "Collateral damage," I said to myself. After searching, I came to Bertha's bedroom, where the beard had it's own bed right next to hers. I began to shave it, but then the beard began to scream and yell foul language at me. Turned out that Bertha was an alien, and the beard is her brain. It also appears that Bertha gotten sick from celery. Suddenly, the police appeared outside her house. I ran outside, and there was my dream vehicle. A clean silver shopping cart full of beautiful brown bags. I jumped in and began down a hill. The police followed me with no chance of letting up. Then I remembered the banana in my pocket. I was hungry and needed a snack. After eating the banana, I threw the peel on the ground, completely ignoring the law. The cop cars began slipping on the peel, making an explosion so spectacular that the nuclear bomb would be envious. Then I hit a curb and fell in a wood grinder.
